Psalm 13: When My Heart is Hurting

How Long, O Lord?

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.

13 vHow long, O Lord? Will you wforget me forever?

How long will you xhide your face from me?

2 

How long must I take ycounsel in my soul

and have sorrow in my heart all the day?

How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

3 

zConsider and answer me, O Lord my God;

alight up my eyes, lest bI sleep the sleep of death,

4 

clest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”

lest my foes rejoice because I am dshaken.

5 

But I have etrusted in your steadfast love;

my heart shall frejoice in your salvation.

6 

I will sing to the Lord,

because he has dealt bountifully with me.

_____________________________________________________

Do you ever feel like you just have to wait forever for something your heart deeply desires?  Do you ever feel like you just can't win over the dark feelings inside?  Like at the end of the day nobody really cares enough about you to show it to you?  

I hurt sometimes.  Lots of people don't think I do because I'm a 'positive' and 'upbeat' person.  I'm a person who 'has it all together', according to some and a person who is stable and confident in who she is.  Let me tell you something:  I am not that.  I am fragile, weak and constantly asking "How long, O Lord, how long?"  

Asking this question in my heart drives me crazy, because when I look to my left and to my right I see people with REAL problems, REAL struggles and REAL heartache.  Hurting for silly things in life seems to be so trivial and selfish that I can't stand myself sometimes.  The beginning of this passage is what my heart feels like sometimes; a longing that causes a dull ache inside me.

----------------But I have trusted in your steadfast love....---------------

Sometimes it is SO HARD to trust in God's plan.  I have found myself struggling with this daily lately.  I want my heart to be able to rejoice and I know that he has blessed me bountifully in so many areas of my life.   But its hard.  

I am encouraged, because while I feel like I am failing at trusting God I know that I still do it, despite my heart wanting to do its own thing.  I know this because things work out; rarely as I expect them to, but they do work out.  And it has always been for the better.

So I wait.  And I trust.  And I know that everything will be....exactly as it should.

Psalm 3: Wrath and Fury?!?

The Reign of the Lord's Anointed

2 rWhy do sthe nations rage1

and the peoples plot in vain?

2 

The kings of the earth set themselves,

and the rulers take counsel together,

against the Lord and against his tAnointed, saying,

3 

“Let us uburst their bonds apart

and cast away their cords from us.”

4 

He who vsits in the heavens wlaughs;

the Lord holds them in derision.

5 

Then he will speak to them in his xwrath,

and terrify them in his fury, saying,

6 

“As for me, I have yset my King

on zZion, my aholy hill.”

7 

I will tell of the decree:

The Lord said to me, b“You are my Son;

today I have begotten you.

8 

Ask of me, and I will make the nations your heritage,

and cthe ends of the earth your possession.

9 

You shall dbreak2 them with ea rod of iron

and dash them in pieces like fa potter's vessel.”

10 

Now therefore, O kings, be wise;

be warned, O rulers of the earth.

11 

gServe the Lord with hfear,

and irejoice with htrembling.

12 

jKiss kthe Son,

lest he be angry, and you perish in the way,

for his lwrath is quickly kindled.

mBlessed are all who take refuge in him.

This chapter caught me off guard, as do most chapters of the Bible that discuss the wrath,

rage and fury of the Lord.  Verse 11 commands us to "Serve the Lord with fear and rejoice with

trembling."  

Isn't our God one of understanding and love?  Why would anyone describe a loving God as wrathful?

When I think of God in the context of WRATH, RAGE and FURY I can't help but think of the scene 

from Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark.  The evil Nazis have discovered the Ark of the 

Covenant, and despite the warnings printed in the Bible they greedily open the ark; hoping that the 

power of the Ark will give invincibility to their army.  At first nothing happens, but slowly and surely 

a light forms inside the Ark.  Beautiful spirits rise and float around singing pleasant melodies. 

Belloq, the leader of the band of Nazis even exclaims "It's beautiful!".  All appears to be fine on the 

surface.  Suddenly, the music changes when the angels develops sharp fangs and lash out.  Through 

the angels, The Lord releases his wrath on the sinful Nazis, striking them down by sending angels of 

death to burn holes through the hearts of the Nazis, blow up the heads of the officers and melt the   

faces of the truly evil Germans (pictured below---I couldn't resist this classic movie snapshot. :P)

I will admit that this is a slightly skewed view of what God's wrath actually looks like.  

I never thought of God as being a wrathful God, despite Spielberg's best attempts. I may have 

developed this 'cushy' view of God from a very young age.  While attending church,  Sunday school 

and other events during my adolescent years, I 'tuned out' the idea that our God is one to be feared.  

As a young girl, it was much easier for me to accept the idea of a loving God who cares for me and 

responds with kindness than a God that could destroy the entire sinful universe with the blink of His 

eye.  At a younger age, I was not keenly aware of what sinful person I am so the idea of punishment 

from the supreme Creator of the heavens and earth didn't seem to be scary, because ultimately I 

didn't feel I deserved to be punished or receive consequences from God for my sin.

Since last year, I've had some major realizations that have brought into focus the selfish, ugly, sinful 

parts of who I am, and when I realized just how bad I am I began to tremble inwardly, knowing that I 

fully deserve God's wrath upon myself for choices I make every single day.  And to make it even 

more clear, Proverbs 9:10 declares that "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, 

and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight." The ignorance to my sins and struggles were preventing me from growing strong in the knowledge of who Christ wanted me to be.  This verse is an encouragement to me.  I know that even though I'm about the ugliest person to walk the planet that my Savior still looks at me and sees his Son, Jesus.  It is also comforting to realize that although rage and fury are scary words, that the Most Powerful Lord of the entire universe chooses to love me and keep me safe.  Pretty cool stuff.

Psalm 2 is not just about the 'wrath of God', however that is the part of the verse that I felt most compelled to think about tonight.

What parts of this chapter speak most strongly to you?  

Psalm 1: Meditating on God's Word

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. 


 He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. 


 The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in othe congregation of the righteous; for the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.

 This psalm begins by passing blessings on those who 'meditate on the law of the Lord day and night.' After a long conversation with Robert tonight, this part of the psalm all but leapt off the page to me.

 

Is it just me, or is it extremely difficult to keep God the center of your life sometimes? Its something I've been struggling with lately---especially the idea of meditating on Gods word day and night. My interpretation of this passage is that the author does not mean to imply that every thought and every second of your entire life must be spent contemplating God, however I think that there must be a certain consistency and devotion towards taking the time to build your relationship with your Creator. If I spent half as much time working on my relationship with God as I did working on my earthly friendships and relationships, I have no doubt I would be less anxious and have a more clear vision of what God wants for my life.


No doubt I would be more fruitful in my own life as well.  ("he is like a tree planted by streams of water the yields its fruit....in all he does, he prospers).  I tend to think of someone who is always trying to be good, and do what is right.  It is exhausting sometimes, and often I find it difficult to JUST BE.  I find myself wanting to prosper and the harder I try, the less fruitful I think I am.  Because trying to do all things without God's help and control on my life is, essentially, a wicked behavior.


That being said, I am interested to hear what my readers view as 'being wicked'.  God makes it clear that the wicked will be judged but the righteous will prosper, but just what is it that qualifies as 'wicked behavior?'


Thanks for reading---I am exhausted and ready for some sleep now.

-RCC

Psalm 3: Save Me

Save Me, O My God A Psalm of David, when he fled from Absalom his son. O Lord, how many are my foes! Many are rising against me; many are saying of my soul, there is no salvation for him in God. But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. I cried aloud to the Lord, and he answered me from his holy hill. I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the Lord sustained me. I will not be afraid of many thousands of people who have set themselves against me all around. Arise, O Lord! Save me, O my God! For you strike all my enemies on the cheek; you break the teeth of the wicked. Salvation belongs to the Lord; your blessing be on your people! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I relate to this psalm of David more than I do to many others. To put an interesting twist on how this might be interpreted I offer the following: For me, the foes that David describes are often not physical people in my life but instead they are my own personal demons that I struggle with every day. So often I find myself thinking about how very undeserving I am of God's grace and love. While I know that Satan is the instigator of negativity, being a fragile human woman I tend to crumble immediately when I hear them replayed in my mind. "I'm not good enough." "Nobody will ever truly love me the way I desire to be loved." "Who would want to be with someone as awful as I am?" "What do I have to offer anyone?" These poisonous internal jabs cross my mind almost daily and can cripple me from being able to reach to God for help. Sometimes, I struggle with these for days before realizing exactly what has been tormenting me and making me sad. After struggling to handle these feelings on my own that I eventually realize how good God really is. He is my shield; a strong shield, yet one that does not deflect everything (or life would be perfect--without struggle or consequences of sin). I've woken up every morning; even if I feel bad, and God has taken care of me, my family and my friends. The struggle for me is learning that I do not need to fear these 'thousands of people' (struggles) that surround me at all times. I don't need to wake in the morning afraid that I won't be loved. I don't need to curl up and cry because I am afraid I have nothing to offer those around me. This is a great psalm that has spoken to me more lately. Hope you enjoy it as much as I have! Any thoughts? Love, Rachel Catheryn

Lets start at the very beginning...a very good place to start.

Hi readers, This is a blog created to primarily offer me an outlet to reflect on my readings of the Psalms and to serve as a way to hold myself accountable to read scripture every day. That has been the most difficult part about growing in my faith; as I don't really know a good method for reading the Bible and learning what it has to offer for my life. There is a good chance that I will stray off topic and spend time writing about faith issues that I find relevant in my daily life too! :) A wonderful woman, Renee, suggested reading the Psalms and reflecting on my favorite parts or the lines that jumped out to me, so that will be the overarching focus of this blog. I will try to be diligent about posting every few days and welcome your comments! :) Love, Rachel